Show me the meaning of being lonely
by MoopzVader
Summary: I know I didn't really change this, but I figured that I'd get the italics to work. Pay no attention to the messed up paragraph that's in Italics, my computer's really screwy. Anyway, Padme/Vader songfic that no one seems to review. Come on, where did I g


Disclaimer: Idon't own Star Wars or BSB. I'm making no money off this small piece of creativity, so pleeeeeeasse don't sue me!

Want to post this?: Go ahead, just tell me about it and keep my name attached.

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Show me the meaning of being lonely

Anakin Skywalker, newly named Darth Vader, stared at the medical droid that was attaching a bionic hand to his arm. All alone in the cold, sterile room, with the exception of the droid, he glared out of a ruined face and breathed in sync with the portable respirator that adhered to his seared flesh. He flexed the new hand and nodded to the droid, who left him. Rising off the comfortable pallet that he had woken up on, he tried out his new legs. While identical in size to his old ones, they were cold to the Force; artificial, mechanical imitations of the legs that had once been his. He was clothed in black armor, which rubbed against his burned flesh and proved to be quite painful. But that was just fine: he was a Sith Lord, he could withstand anything. 

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So many words for the broken heart

It's hard to see in a crimson love

Naboo was a ghost of the place it had once been. The stone splendor of the palace was waterstained and cracked. Half of the roof had caved in over the west wing, and the throne room was currently hosting a large family of water rats. Part of Vader wanted to bow his head to mourn the passing of such a marvelous place, but that part was quickly smothered, buried, and paved over by the other 90% of Vader's mind. Weakness was not a thing to be seen, especially not in a Sith. He gazed around the main hall of the palace again; drinking in the fear the wall seemed to be saturated with. _She_ wasn't here; but then again, Vader would have been disappointed if she had been. It would have been far too easy. Vader would have sighed, if his breather would have allowed it. She was gone, taken somewhere by Obi-Wan, most likely. She could be anywhere in the galaxy by now, hiding herself and his child. Their child. Didn't he have the right to see his own son? He knew of the child, and he knew it was male. Didn't the child deserve to know his father? A slow, painful smile stretched his lips as he thought of the boy's power. Yes, the child would be most powerful…yes, he would be brilliant. But where…where was he hiding? Why had they hidden him? Oh, but that one was simple. They were afraid that Vader didn't love his wife any longer, that he would harm her and their child. But he couldn't stop loving her. Deep down, he knew that all the darkness Palpatine could stuff in his servant's soul couldn't stop him from loving his dear wife.

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Padme…where are you?

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So hard to breathe,

Walk with me and maybe…

In, out…in, out. The respirator forced his lungs to take another breath. The defeated Jedi gave him a look of pity as he passed into the next world. Vader whirled, slashing through a table with his pulsating blade. He snarled beneath the mask, the sound warping as it emerged from the vocoder and sounded almost unrecognizable, even to his own ears. Pity was the one thing he could NOT stand. Hate, loathing, or fear he could stand, he had gotten used to such reactions; but pity was unbearable. It boiled his blood, when he was pitied. He was stronger then he had ever been, why should pity be an emotion attached to his name? The child… perhaps if the offspring of Vader was as powerful as Vader believed, then his power could be added to his sire's. Perhaps he could be healed. However, the child needed to be found first… 

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Nights of life so soon become

Wild and free I could feel the sun

Your every wish will be done 

They tell me…

Walking out of the Jedi's small hideout, Vader reached out with his senses. The boy was calling him, but his sense was too muffled to be pinpointed. Undoubtedly Obi-Wan's doing, the fool. Vader sneered, curling his lip beneath the mask at the old man's efforts to keep the boy away from him. He would find him eventually, of that he was certain. Looking out at the destruction around him, Vader shook him helmeted head slowly. So much for Palpatine's promise of "_order_".

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Show me the meaning of being lonely

Is this the feeling I need to walk with

Tell me why I can't be there where you are

There's something missing in my heart

In his palace on Coruscant, Vader looked out from one of his balconies to the busy planet below. How different this was to the planet his beloved had so loved! Coruscant was cold and lonely, while Naboo was warm and pleasant. So strange, how one could be on a planet with so many others, yet still feel so isolated. Vader would never have another in his life, someone who loved him. Even if he had not felt bound – by his status as Sith and his still legal marriage to Padme – not to have another female in his life, no female would ever love him. He was Lord Vader, second in command of the Empire. But deep in his heart of hearts, he felt a raw ache. It was the pain of the broken-hearted. 

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Life goes on as it never ends

Eyes of stone observe the trends

They never say forever gaze,

If only…

Padme looked out the widows of the grand palace of Alderaan. Laying a finger on the intricate designs, she shivered. Anakin was hunting down the Jedi, slaughtering them when they were found. That he could so ruthlessly hunt down and kill those who had taught him, sheltered him, and given him a free life made Padme wonder what Anakin was also capable of. A bird flitted by the window, singing sweetly. Leia, who had been napping in her mother's lap, giggled at the sound. Padme looked down at her little one, smiling with the unconditional love that only a mother can give. How, Padme thought to herself as she watched Leia settle down again, could something so good go to something so terrible. Anakin had created Leia and Luke with her, had been so gentle and such a wonderful man, how could he just stop caring one day? He couldn't have, Padme thought suddenly, something so right couldn't become so wrong. There was good in him, she knew it. But it was buried deep, perhaps too deep for her to uncover alone. But one day, it _would_ show itself, she could feel it. 
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Guilty roads to an endless love

There's no control

Are you with me now

Your every wish will be done

They tell me

Finally! Vader thought in triumph. A spy employed by Vader had just discovered a lead on Padme. Now he could find her…and possibly their child as well. Vader doubted this, however, knowing Padme to be just too smart to keep the child around her. But perhaps the trail to the child would become clearer, more distinct, around the woman who had given birth to the child of Vader. Or, Vader allowed himself to hope, perhaps she would tell him where the child was. Alderaan, that was the planet. So, she had hidden herself with the Royal Family, perhaps? Ah, well, soon his patience would be rewarded.

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Show me the meaning of being lonely

Is this the feeling I need to walk with

Tell me why I can't be there where you are

There's something missing in my heart

"Padme?" Bail Organa ran up to the former queen of the Naboo. 

Padme turned around at the fear in his voice "Bail? What's wrong?"

"Vader's here, his shuttle just landed, we must get you away."

"No, he knows I'm here. He can feel my presence. Running would only make things worse. He would take out his anger on you, and I won't allow that. Take Leia; make sure he doesn't find her. He knows about Luke, and he would soon realize that there were two. Make sure she is safe, that is all that matters." She spoke as she walked; striding to a secret passage that led out to the gardens and the small lake on the castle grounds. She smiled at Bail, though her eyes were distant, "Take care of her, if I don't come back."

"I will." But the reply was cut off there as the passage clicked shut behind her. She swallowed, but was strangely calm. Yes, there was a chance that she wouldn't live past this encounter, but she wouldn't die at her husband's hands. That was what she hoped, at least. She desperately hoped that he wasn't that far-gone in the Dark Side.

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Padme, you're here, aren't you? Anakin's voice was deeper, altered even in her mind. She didn't like the new voice; it was far too cold.

I'm here. I'm in the gardens, Ani. Am I under arrest? __

No, I am alone.

There was still hope. Padme grasped the japor snippet that hung around her throat and prayed to whatever gods there were that he would come back to her.

She missed him so… 

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There's nowhere to run

He saw her sitting on a smooth rock by the water, feet nearly touching the unmarred surface. Beautiful, he thought lovingly, unable to repress the emotion. She turned around at the sound of his breather, and he braced himself for the revulsion that would soon be streaming off her.  But none came. Just sadness, surprise, and…was that love? It was laced with hurt, but the emotion was unmistakable.  She still loved him!  __

I have no place to go

Anakin stopped a few meters from her and stood there, his breath hissing in and out of the facemask. She looked at him sadly, wishing she could see the blue eyes she knew were regarding her. Anakin had no need for pity; he never had, so she didn't feel any. She rose, her hair, secured in a ponytail, caressing her back with millions of chocolate fingers. She straightened her blue long sleeved shirt and dusted her hands off on her pants. Looking at the armor covering every inch of the man she loved; she restrained a sad sigh. The ebony facemask tilted slightly to the side, as if Anakin were cocking his head quizzically.

"Come with me, Padme."

Surrender my heart, body and soul

How can it be 

You're asking me to feel the things you never show

"I can't, Anakin, but you know that." She looked at the large circles that were covering his eyes, somehow knowing when she met the eyes she could still see vividly in her mind. "I can't serve him. He is a tyrant."

"Padme, please…"

"Anakin…" she sighed, and looked up at him "Would it be worth the breath to ask you to stay with me?"

"I cannot. I have a path, Padme, one that I must follow."

"As do I. I wish that they were the same, but if I can't go with you, and you won't come with me, then we must part."

"No…Padme, I love you."

Lowering her head, she whispered "I love you, too, but you are asking me to become a slave to your master."

"We would be together, isn't that all that matters?"

"Not when the rest of the galaxy is the price we pay for it."

"Doesn't my love matter to you?" Anakin spoke angrily, his hurt tone making Padme's heart break

"Yes, it does indeed. But Anakin," she walked up to him and took his hand in her own, laying the other on his facemask "how can love exist in a man consumed by hate? That is what Palpatine wants you to be, don't you see that?"

Anakin stared at their entwined fingers, then at her face, hesitantly bringing his other hand up to stroke her hair. "You will always be my angel."

She drew away, reluctantly braking the contact. "I will love you forever, as well, husband. Goodbye." 

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You are missing in my heart

On Coruscant once more, Vader meditated in his chamber. She was gone, and he hadn't asked about the boy. He couldn't, the emotions that had run wild in him had erased all intentions of asking for his son's location. It didn't matter, he would find the boy anyway, it would just take more time. _What are you thinking of?_ Part of Vader's brain screamed _Leave the boy alone! She was right, as she always is. Love can't exist where hate thrives, so you have to pick one. The boy and Padme, or this lonely life, in your stupid metal ball. WELL???_

Just then the comm beeped.

The helmet and faceplate slid back on smoothly, and Vader activated the comm. "Yes?"

"Lord Vader."

"Master, what is thy bidding?"

"I have regrettable news for you, my friend. It concerns your wife…"

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Tell me why I can't be there where you are

Moments later, if a trooper had stepped into Vader's quarters, ragged breaths might have been heard. And if that same trooper could see into the chamber where Vader lay, he might have seen the great Lord Darth Vader, unmasked and shivering, with a single, ragged tear running down his mangled cheek.

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